What is the Love-Sex-Trust Approach to Couples Therapy? How is it Different?

AUGUST 23, 2016

Tune In (To Self)

There are many situations in which the traditional psychotherapy works great. I have designed the approach of my Sex/Love/Trust practice as another option. It is based on a few key premises. See Slideshow on the website for more information.

  1. Sex is important. It’s just as vital (and for some, more so) than love, respect, and equality in creating a satisfying long term relationship. More than communication skills, or a more equal household distribution of labor, an enriching sexual connection is often what people are looking for, but sometimes can’t articulate.
  2. Sex, without love, trust and respect is painful and doesn’t sustain a relationship for long.
  3. The way we think and experience Love/Sex /Trust is influenced by all our previous experiences, good and bad, as well as our imagination, our physicality, biochemicals, family of origin, culture, defenses and desires. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this! It’s our human condition.
  4. There has often been little invitation for people to explore their own means of healthy self expression around Love/Sex/Trust. Often people haven’t consciously thought about how they think and feel. When they do start to become conscious, this questioning is often instigated by a feeling that something is “wrong” with them. Either because a partner is saying that or because the person themself is confused and in response, becomes self critical.

    Sometimes, when someone brings this confusion into therapy, shameful feelings can inadvertently become confirmed by the very nature of the therapeutic context. Historically,  psychology has served a purpose to investigate, diagnose, and remedy. All of that is fantastic, however, when people haven’t first been told all their feelings and thoughts about sex/love/trust are valid in the first place, a huge piece can get ignored. Also, some people have described that it doesn’t even occur to them to bring their real feelings around sex into the therapy session. When pressed as to why, some say its due to shame, because they project the therapist will judge them in a negative way, or, because they think it will make the therapist uncomfortable.

    So, instead, they bring up something “safer” (e.g., who cleans the house, money, in-laws), and create distance around these deeper, more healing issues.

    Frequently in therapy, both client and therapist skip over the creative exploration in Love/Sex/Trust and move right into diagnostics about “what’s wrong,” with the relationship – my practice seeks to remedy this problem.
  5. Finally, this approach can be useful to those who may be highly self-attuned therapy veterans, who have deep knowledge of their “issues” psychologically. This approach invites these types to shift to a new chapter of life encouraging the enjoyment of this knowledge, instead of “coping” with it.

You’ve spent all this energy and money to invest in self-growth, now don’t you want to reap the rewards? Would you like to relax and enjoy yourself, your sexuality, your love and your trust with others? This approach is about enriching your ability to feel all of it more. It’s about learning to really feel and enjoy pleasure.

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